Saturday, May 28, 2011

From The Desk of Alatta Dhedghiyz

I know I missed some jokes in this one, but I caught onto one in particular that I should've used years ago when I first started getting these scammer e-mails from down in Africa (I bless the rains). You'll see when you get to my reply:


Dear Friend

I know that this e-mail will come to you as a surprise as we never met before. I am MR. Ibrahim Arwan, them anager of Auditing and Accounting section of Bank of Africa (B.O.A.) Ougadougou Burkina Faso. I hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that I am about to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families. I need your urgent assistance in transfering the sum of Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand united state dollars ($15.5m USD) Immediately to your account.
The fund has been dormant (in-active) for ten years in our bank here without any body to claim it. I want to release the fund to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer Mr. Andreas Schranner (the owner of the account) who died a long with his supposed next of kin in air crash on 31st July 2000. I don't want the fund to go into our Bank treasury as an abandoned fund, so this is the reason I contacted you, so that my Bank will relase the fund to you as the nearest person to the deceased customer.
Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interested. Upon receipt of your reply, I will give you more details regarding this transaction and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned amount if you agree to help me execute this business. And also after the funds has been transfered into your bank account you will take 10% out as a compensation for the expenses you will make in this transaction and 50% is for me. I need to hear from you urgent so that I will give you more information regarding this transaction.

Your Full Name..............................
Your Sex..........................................
Your Age.........................................
Your Country..................................
Marital Status..................................
Your Occupation.............................
Your Personal Mobile No................
Your Personal Fax No.....................

Waiting for your urgent response so that we will starts immediately,
Best Regards
MR. Ibrahim Arwan

Looking back at this one, there wasa alot of really good grammatical errors I could've had fun with. Also, i'm not even factoring in the fun I could've had filling in his personal information sheet. I did, however, offer to send a body to claim the fund:


Dear Stranger

This e-mail came to me as a surprise, since we have never met before. I am Alatta Dehdghiyz, a highly trained Extra Special Super Ninja Marine who makes people disappear for the right price. I bless the rains down in Africa (I bless the rains), gonna take some time to do the things we never ha-aaa-haa-aaa-had, whoo ooh. Doo doot doot doot do doot doot doo. I believe I can urgently assist you in the transfer of this sum to my account, I always like getting free money.

If this fund has been dormant for too long without any body coming for it, I can deliver this body since I am a Super Ninja. Just tell me where to go kill this scanner dude, and I will have his body delivered to you via Priority Mail. Just tell me where to go, I will use the strict nine as you requested at the start of the e-mail.

Alattah Dehdghiyz
Extra Special Super Ninja Marine

Monday, May 23, 2011

New Record For a Single Romance Scam

I know I usually stick with the funnier stuff here, but we have a new recvord for the highest dollar amount stolen in a romance scam. A man in Illinois lost $200,000 to a Nigerian scammer. They had known each other for 2 1/2 years, so he must have felt safe sending her money.
Another disturbing find from this story is the increase in online scams in recent years. In 2008, the figure was 265 million dollars. In 2009, that number jumped to 559 million. in 2010, it skyrocketed again, to 1.7 billion. It's virtually impossible to get the money back that was already stolen, but we can beat these people!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

My sports writing seems to have trumped the ESL stuff

I just did a Google search for myself, and at the bottom of page three was my sports writing profile on Yahoo:

I'm gonna go spam myself now that i'm actually building an audience! Also, another interesting note while i'm here, i'm more than half finished with re-editing the first book. I should have The ESL Dating Diaries: A Collection of Broken English Love Letters available in Kindle format on Amazon again in just a few days.