Wednesday, June 30, 2010

ESL Dating Reply #3: I'm A Cruel & Heartless Bastard Sometimes

Hi! Nice to see you here!
In detail having studied yours profile, I have understood, that I have found that looking for already during long time. I very much need in real man because I can not find him in any way. And my heart prompts, that it YOU! It can seem to you strange, that I speak, but it so. It speaks my heart, and it speaks me, that my choice is correct, but our future dialogue will depend also on you.
My name is Lyuba, me of 28 years and I never thought that I shall start to build relations through the internet. I want to find the man to which I would give all my love both would care, and would receive his love, protection and support in exchange. I - very sociable, thoughtful, kind, and the optimistic person. And for full happiness I do not have not enough man with whom I would like to create long and serious relations. Here that I wanted to tell you. If my letter has not left indifferent you then write to me on mine email.
I hope you will answer me soon!
Bye! Bye!


And then it was my turn….

Hello to Lyuba! I too for studying of profile you, but informing of you is done not much of profile you. Details withdrawn of person you, why is not you to telling things many of you? What of a hobby of you to extinguish the boring after the working day? Where in your living place of Colorado Springs is the neighborhood of home making to you? Do you like Kermit The Frog? You the woman not told much of self in profile. Unlike mine. I tell all, like The Enquirer. Apologies of mine, for I am unthinking that heart of mine screams YOU YOU! I must share that although heart of mine is incomplete as of the current time of now, I have received replies two of women wanting to share of the heart mine, and I stay hoping of one for them to fulfill it.
I have to go bathe my frog now, goodbye!

ESL Dating Reply 2: I'm Bringing Funny Back

Needless to say, that first ESL dating reply set the pattern that would follow for pretty much the rest of the series. They email me in broken English, I write back in broken English. I usually leave some sort of comment after their letter to make it obvious where their letter ends & mine begins.

Hello My name is Vera !!
My fine stranger. I very much love a nature, rest on it, I think, that the person should live with a nature in friendship, should love her. It develops humanism in us, feeling of support from something big, strong, kind. It does not give loneliness to swallow up us, fills a body with the new forces, new energy.
On character I the person quiet, tender, likes to give care, caress, understanding, especially when it comes back. I the one-woman man if I fall in love with persons! This love burns me without the rest. I live this feeling, I breathe him, it is Necessary for me as oxygen. I constantly try to be near to a subject of my sincere feelings, it is a pity, that not always to me answer same. I like to sit with the close person and to have a talk with it, to open to it soul that to me have listened, have understood, have helped. I too try to help the person in a difficult minute to understand it.
If you wish to see my photos write only on mine e-mail, only so I can contact you and answer all questions interesting you. Thanks


And so I replied…

Memory of mine is deficient, for knowledge of my return of e-mail of yours is insufficient, so returning to you I am doing as of now. Hello, you are the fine stranger also, but I am the strangest, no? I too very much love a nature, comfort it my way gives, friendship in life I have with nature as well, and love it do I. The friendship with nature I am having is making of me more humanistic, and I too, much love the feelings of comfort from a strength so exuberant. It engulfs me with its energy, yet does not consume the very essence of my life to feel this incredible force, this exuberant energy.
On the character of mine, I am the one woman man, wander astray I do not, for giving and loving to one person is all I have energy for, for mine heart can be filled by the one, not the many, and heart of mine is joy filled for a time span of endlessness. Infrequently in my time span of the existence of my life force, these emotions are returned to me and leaving of my heart surrounded by feelings of sorrow, but I am comforted by the knowledge that, somewhere out there, there is a duck.
When I am feeling this closeness with the woman of my attachment through the emotions of mine, I am the understanding one who is showing abilities to be the listener, the caretaker of soul. The godfather of soul might even say you. I am help. I difficult times in time span of life of mine, so relate to troubles do I. I am wearing a turtleneck sweater, what you?

The ESL Dating Diaries: The Original

I love receiving replies on dating sites from people who live in another country and can barely even speak English. When English is their second language, the sender usually ends up creating some of the most interesting combinations of words. Check out this probably bogus one I got today from a woman with the screen name lovestar222. the message didn't even come up in my inbox in the site so I know it's a spoof. This is why I was mean enough to use English as a second language when I sent her a reply. Here is her actual e-mail and my reply that follows:

Hello my dearest new friend,
it give me a great pleasure to contact you after viewing your profile which interest me in having communication with you so that we can get to know each other and see what happened. If you will have the desire with me, I will be very happy if you can write me through my email for easiest communication. Here is my email : I will be waiting to hear from you through my email so I can tell you more about my self and send you my look to know who is communicating with you. Take care of your self and I wish you happy day.
Yours new friend.



So, to make a long story short, here is the reply I sent to her:

Many greetings to my newest dear friend,
It is with great sorrow and many hurting of my heart that I am to telling of you profile of yours is not findings on site. would like to have to having the desires with you, but you are not appearing to be seen on site of this. I am guessing this e-mail is only way of making the contact with you, so cannot I making the visual viewings of picture of yours. So, telling to me of self of you, you are international student, no? I must be goings to the places of my travels, so until the next communication we make, I must say happy departures for the now. Much talking in future conversing,


Quick update on The ESL Dating Diaries

O.K., so I know I haven't been here since December, but i'm going to be spending alot more time here now! As for what i've been up to since December-I finally got my book published! It took three tries to get it right, but it's finished & available on Amazon! here's the link for anyone who's curious:
So, back to the fun part where it took three tries to get it right. In the first printing, none of the titles were lined up at the top of the page. There weren't any page numbers, and there wasn't a table of contents. On top of all that, I had the entire book double spaced. It looked like a well put together final term paper.
In the second printing, I mislabeled the table of contents as the index. I don't know what I was on when I made that blunder, but I found it so amusing that I could make such an absurd blunder, I made fun of my own mistake and made it worse in the third printing! This is why, even if you do get the corrected version, the table of contents will be labeled Table of Continents.
So now, back to poking fun at scammers!