Don't Cry For Me Evgeniya, Part III

This one was quite a marathon, but I had to take my time going over it, paragraph after paragraph, to make sure I didn't miss out on a single joke opportunity. Well O.K., I already see one I missed out on, but i'm really trying to keep it somewhat clean. The best part is-i've already got another email from her to reply to! I really wish I could just get Russian scammers all the time and not the Nigerians, these turn out so much funnier since their English is that much worse!

Hello Dan! happy see your letter my inbox :))
I write you my emails from Internet cafe, I don't have my own computer and internet I'm sending few photos for you today! I hope you are not tired to look at my photos? I like your photo, you look very well!!! This time I will write you more about myself. I think you should know more about my life and my hobbies so you will know if we have any common interests.
I hope soon I will be able to come to your area by my birthday and we will meet each other! I'm not sure why I picked you but I feel something special about you! We live with our parents and my young sister in 2 room apartment. I'm happy my parents will be not alone when I leave the for another country. My father is 56 years old now, my mom is 54. You see my mom is much younger then my father and they are very happy together. My mother is a teacher of Geography in the school. My father work at a factory - The welder The name of my city is Abakan.
Abakan is a large city, the main city in our district. In a Abakan 53°43 frosts and 91°25 heats were marked. Amplitude of fluctuations of the winter and years temperatures, exceeding 100, any region of the world Average temperature in January - does not test - 47 degrees, in July + 40,4 °C degrees. Distance up to Moscow - 4218 km, At us one of the greatest rivers in Russia – Yenisei.
My birthday is March, 10 . I'm 26 years old, not that young I think?
I'm 175 cm tall (5.7.) and 63 kg weight (about 120 pounds, I'm not sure how much it is in pound but I'm not fat!). I don't know exactly my bust-waist-hips measurements, I don't have a reason to measure it because I think it's OK and my body is proportionate )) I take care of my body, I do aerobics three times a week and two times a week I go to the swimming pool twice a week.
I graduated from Abakanskiy Sports University three years ago, contemporary dance faculty. Yes we have such faculty in Sport University! So I'm a professional dancer. I don't want to have a dancer's career because I will have not much time for my private life and for relationship with a man. I work as a dance teacher, I teach children from 10 to 15 years how to dance! Also I have a certificate of fitness instructor, this is my another hobby. So it would be perfect if later I will find a work as instructor or teacher of dances!!! I think it's a very good job for a woman, I'm always in a good shape and I keep myself not that busy!
Do you know how to dance? If not I can teach you! I can dance many different styles. When I come to your city I will work as a waitress in a restaurant. I would like to work as a dance teacher but I think you understand it's not possible to arrange such work by Internet because they want to see how well I dance. Anyway I will try to find such work when I come over there. Or maybe not a dancer but aerobics instructor, I think it's also very good job. Of course I will miss everybody but I want to have my own happiness!
In winter I like skiing, although we have cold winters... our summers are warm usually. The natural color of my hair is fair. I hope that's not a problem for you or you like natural color of hair? I like classic music, jazz, rock, lounge. I like music at all! I want to try how to ride a motorcycle someday! I've never tried it!
I very much love flowers, I very much like roses and violets I can play piano also, she teached me how to play piano. I finished music school and I still play piano about once a week. There is no any messenger in this Cafe so we can only keep emailing each other. I hope you are not getting bored to read my emails?
So now you have a representation of who I am....I just can tell you that I enjoy life and I try to live to the fullest, I like to try new things. I'm not that smart. I was not that good in mathematics, physics, biology and so on! But I'm very tender, caring, artistic, faithful, decent person. Sometimes I can be not well organized, I think everybody had it's own minuses and pluses. I don't look any special qualities in a man. I just hope he will be faithful to me and ready to create a happy family with me and I will do everything to make him happy. I'm looking for a soulmate! OK... it's time to finish my email. I'm sending a kiss by the wind to you and if I sent it to the right destination you should receive it by evening )))) I hope you will catch my kiss somehow ))) I suppose in few days I will leave for St-Petersburg. I started to register my documents about 2 months ago, so I will travel soon and I will be allowed to work! I shall write certainly to you About a trip as soon as I learn about it !! Do you have an International Airport in your city? Please write me it's name an code write me the name of the nearest Airport to you.
Now I'm not at home often and of you call me my father will pick up the phone and he can't speak any English and he will be shocked to hear the English speech. I still didn't tell him about you but I'm going to tell him this week, I will write you about his thoughts on this topic! Yes, I have forgotten to tell to you that my short name Genya
Bye, your Evgeniya

That bit of broken English she did where she talked the changes in temperature (amplitude of fluctuations) was probably my favorite bit of broken English in this whole series!

Hello Evgeniya!!
Me happy too when see many letter you on my inbox!!! I am currently seated upright in front of computer, typing a sentence to you. Apologies on me for not having more photos, but none are recent except photo sent already. I am not tired to look at you photo, you photo is splendid! I see you have written me your interests, so contrast to mine should be shown if not exceptional?
On it a date of birth to you, March 10, you wish to fly here by that date? The day is approaching with most quickness, I am not to be certain it can make an achievement that quick? I am not on a work for a month. I would be too much lacking moneys for even pick you up at the airplane station. I am live on a house with a friend , four dogs, a snake in my room, and rabbit outside. I guess you could say I am mobbin’ with the dog pound!
The city I stay in it was named Colorado Springs. We have best it is known to the rest of it country for our beautiful mountains and our gay bashing religious fanatics. The town it is a hate for taxes too, we have such small public services for town this size. Our motto-“We have no weekend bus service, but we can buy the Olympic Training Center a beautiful new $30 million dollar headquarters downtown”.
On a temperature fluctuation, winter here can often be very cold, but not as much as you are accustomed to. Frequently more than never, winter will feel like summer for you! It can be as cold as 0 fahrenheit at times, even below freezing on a overnight occasion. But normally it is not much worse than 30’s during winter. At a summertime we can get very warm, as high as in the 90’s!
So now more on it subject me. I am 34 years of age, not that old I don’t think, age to me is only a number. My best friend is 48, yet I associate with 19 year olds. Aspirations to be best selling written work. I went to the college for studies of psychology, but obstacles have made prevention of complete to a degree. I am not known my measurements, but I am not obese either. I could change that though if I keep eating at pizza buffets. At present to me is a height of 6 feet and weight of approximately 185 pounds. I am not much for an exercise, but I do not add weight, nor subtract it. Metabolism seems to work in my favor. I am not known how to dance, but maybe you could teach it?
If you can actually afford such monies for a flight here I would like it very much! As mentioned before though, I am not work in a month, so money is not mine current positive trait. In addition of writing and reading, I am also a very large football fan! This means I spend every Sunday on a sofa with chips, pizza, spicy chicken strips and beer from 11am to 9pm. I will not make a move for 10 hours unless it is for food or bathroom use. Strangely enough, I have never tried skiing in spite of it a mountain is near.
I also am very much a music fan, it one of other studies at school. I performed in a choir, took vocal lessons, piano, and now I love karaoke! I much confusion created when switch from soft pop music to the very heavy hard rock! I very much the big rock noise like! Yet I also am like an orchestra, it is interesting when the two genres are transferred together to make big rock with symphony! On a last two concert, I to go enjoy a symphony, in the big arena, it was amazing! To me some favorite artists include Tiamat, Beatallica, Amorphis, Dimmu Borgir, Yanni, Tori Amos, Slayer, Paul Carrack, Pink Floyd, The Cure, The Scorpions, and Josh Groban. What are some which you can name it?
So now is it enough of a representation of my person that you knew it? I too follow the philosophy of living life to the fullest. This is why I eat at buffet, I leave when I am fullest J I think that I the medium smart man. I was not that good in physics or biology, but I am nerd at numbers and good the writing. I have a good heart too I think , no heart attacks yet. I am definitely ready to create a family with you, that picture you sent with the second email was good practice and showed you have all the qualities I am looking for! I think we all have pluses, minuses, subtractions and divisions, but we all balance out at the end.
Well, I caught your kiss with a little help from a Canadian cold front, it blew it right to me! Now I blow you kisses too, but I am sending multiples so if one misses, another has a chance to reach it to you! Goodbye for now until next email!
Love, Dan