Saturday, December 18, 2010

ESL Dating Reply #5: I Am Such A Jackass

I'm aiming for a bigger audience, so i'll be posting more of my funniest stuff here to try to draw in new readers. This was one of my originals, the fifth entry in the first book. It had some awesome broken English in it, so I had to share it!

Hi Dan!
I am pleased to receive your answer-back message. Thank for your picture, she me to like. I shall be to increase and to unpack it. Dan, yours e-mail means for me, that I too was interesting to you. You really Dan, see a picture me nice?
Dan, at me is present to you. It is a lot of questions and I would like to ask them in the messages, I hope you will give me the answers on them - ok? You for me the nice man, And on this for me it is important to know your opinion about some things. I think, that you read my structure and could there see, that I have serious intentions to get acquainted with the good man for the relations.
I shall try to tell slightly about my character. I do not know as it to begin, I think, that I the very romantic man. I love to communicate with the people, it is pleasant to me good humor. I very much appreciate such qualities in the people, as a fidelity and honesty. I believe in love, and I consider it as a very valuable thing, which needs to be protected. I very much the jealous man. I adore, when me speak compliments and is ready to listen to them indefinitely.
For me it is necessary, that around of me there was a cleanliness and order, I frequently am engaged harvest. Also to me to like to prepare meal, various tasty things. It is pleasant to me the romantic relations between the man and by the woman, but probably all women dream to get acquainted with good by the man to have with it the beautiful romantic relations. But frequently such things come to an end very quickly. I have no intention to spend myself for such acquaintances.
While I have not met in the life of such man, to which I would decide to give back myself and life, but me would like to find such man. I think, that for the woman main to have in life not career or other success, and strong family and favorite man beside what to care of it. Tell please, what woman you dream to meet in the life? Excuse Dan, that I ask you to discuss such frank thing with by the man, which you know couple of days, but it is interesting to me to know It about you. I shortly have written to you my sights on life, if to you there will be it interesting, that we can discuss these themes in more detail then. I shall wait for yours e-mail. Yours faithfully


So I replied…

Olga, hello!
Many thanks are directed your way for returning my return of your returned e-mail. The thanks are offered again for you another picture sent, I you to like as well, of picture. I, Dan, really see a picture you nice! On the questions of you, I try answers to direct at you. I you the nice woman, did read profile you, and acknowledgement that structure you is seriousness of knowing the good man. I think that I also the very romantic woman. I funny with the people, good laughs is provided by me, for the people, to cause humor enjoyment of the persons many. I give compliments of you, you are the beauty, outside and within.
Keeping of my dwelling cleanliness is necessary, so it is done me, I cleaning enjoyment. I two know of person of attachment leavings too soon, often times I wish for handcuffs for the keeping! I am expertise of the cook, frozen dinners for the microwaving, canned pasta and canned soup are my specialties. In living time of mine, I hopeful of meeting the woman who will manufacture many children of me.
I to have great career as psychiatrist, but still long years from doing. Choosy is not me, simply I to wish for woman of intelligence, beauty, and humor, just like me, except that I am not woman. Heart of gold too. And nice car. And an enormous bank account.
Implants are nice too, but necessity they are not.
Well, leaving I should be doing soon, sleeping to start, goodbye now!


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